So. Let’s just tell the truth when we are applying for jobs.
Dear Fate Decider,
I respectfully submit my application for the Administrative Support Coordinator I position in the Department of Recreation, Hospitality, and Parks Management. I am attempting to re-enter the work force after almost 19 years being a stay at home parent. I know that the gaps in my work experience may be disconcerting. But I hope my educational experience, volunteer jobs, fundraising stints, and long ago career motivate you to give me serious consideration.
I recognize that choosing the correct candidate is probably a lot like on-line dating. Not that I’d know anything about that. People always make themselves look good on paper. Or on the computer screen. And just like dating, in order to have a long-term relationship you want someone who will share your values (hard work, conscientiousness, integrity), has similar interests (the success of the department) and has a good sense of humor. The faculty, administrators, and students of this creative department require equally creative support staff. With my training as a teacher and my advanced degree and experience in the research-oriented field of journalism, I am uniquely poised to step into this position and hit the ground running.
In addition, as a mother of two boys who are nine years apart I have developed my negotiation and prioritization skills, problem solving skills, and ability to meet diverse needs of individuals who vary widely in maturation and developmental ability. Not that anyone I would come in contact with in this position would have a maturity deficit.
I’m sure an issue you may have with my application is that the supervisors I’ve had the pleasure to serve have retired and are unavailable for consultation. I would offer my immediate family as a substitute, although my former spouse is likely not objective. Nor do I think my 18-year old son is a big fan of my tough love and insistence on his adherence to the regulations and procedures of my household. My nine-year old, however, would probably be able to give a glowing recommendation. I just ask that if you plan on talking to him you alert me ahead of time so I don’t inadvertently ground him or mete out some other discipline prior to your conversation. I’d prefer to wait until after, if necessary.
I look forward to hearing from you soon so we can discuss further my suitability for this position. A first date, so to speak. And hopefully, we can move on to a LTR. (Long-term relationship.)